This is a post for holiday time, when heightened needs and expectations so often lead to family conflict. In an update to a post published in 2006, I’m looking at it a bit more from a therapist’s point of view.

Kelly wrote, “In the past few years, having moved back...

To direct or not to direct change?

Should therapists be invested in a particular target change? Psychodynamic as well as Rogerian Client Centered Therapy have a tradition of holding back opinions and not telling clients what to do. I’m going to argue that our actions should...

“It’s the love,” that is what a good friend and experienced therapist dared to say some years ago. Let me take a break from the series of posts about therapist objectives to discuss recent comments about healing an intense attachment to one’s therapist.

A reader...

This post covers two more of ten therapeutic objectives: supporting change in thoughts and change in behavior. Let’s turn the discussion on its head. Most accounts start with why one should change. Instead, let’s ask why not? Change is hard, for a reason. The aim of this...

In the last post, the subject was how to awaken emotions. In this one, we discuss what to do when emotions are already active and causing distress. Working with painful, uncomfortable, and overwhelming emotions is a large part of what we do. Sometimes strong emotions are what bring...

An interesting way to focus on the processes of psychotherapy is to ask what immediate objective we are pursuing at a given moment. As we work, we are generally aware of trying to accomplish something specific. By naming our objective, we can focus more clearly on the processes...

One of my best summer reads was Amir Levine and Rachel Heller’s 2010 classic, Attached. Maybe I should be embarrassed for coming to the party late and even more from learning about it via my patient’s dating coach, but this book, aimed at a popular audience, goes beyond...

How a Lack for Primal Love can Heal

A reader writes: “I feel like I’m done with therapy but not done with my therapist. The only reason I’m still going after many years is that I am so deeply attached to him and can’t imagine life without him in it. I’ve...

The idea of primal love comes from working with clients who have been deprived in early life. Many of the people who responded to posts (on the howtherapyworks.com blog) about attachment to your therapist have found themselves looking for something their therapist could not give them....

For the therapy consultant there is usually one easy answer. When therapy is stuck it’s a transference problem. Yes, there are exceptions. Enabling, whether from family or the an institution, can guarantee that no change will happen. I’m sure there are others, but in the vast...

This is a post I have wanted to write for some time. It is not new, but a reminder of the power of the conscience. A significant portion of cases in my practice arise from what has been called the “sick sibling syndrome,” where the well child internalizes the value of caring, not only...

In In TIFT #25, “The Quest in a Question,” we looked at how questions can engage three basic human systems: interpersonal connection, motivation, and the nonconscious problem solver’s impressive power to point towards the answer. In this post, we look at how to know...